Fang's Worst NightEVER
by SongoftheWolf
Summary: What happens when the flock gets bored on vacation, and Fang is being cranky and emo? //Sorry, we forgot Total and Akila. Whoops!//
1. Fang's Demise

**A/N: FullMoonBallad is going away this summer **sniff**, and won't be on. Which stinks because I won't have anyone to talk to. So, this is sort of a farewell project that we wrote together. This is our second co-authored project, the other one is on her profile. Hope you enjoy.**

The flock had decided to get away from the "family scene" for a while. Houses are way too small, especially with young bird kids cramming a split-level. Things tend to happen.

Gazzy: Hey Iggy, want to play baseball inside? It's raining outside.

Iggy: Sure, why not?

**Gazzy throws ball, Iggy (obviously) misses. Ball hits expensive _Tiffany_ heirloom vase**

Iggy: Throw the ball already!

Gazzy: I did! What did you think the crash was?

Iggy: What _was_ it?

Gazzy: The pretty shiny vase.

Iggy: WHAT!! ******Spreads wings and knocks down other antiques in the room.**

Gazzy: MAAAAX! We need to get out of the house!

**Everyone flies away**

So here we were, in the cave with the hawks. (See _Angel Experiment_) Nice folks, by the way. We left a mess for Mom and Ella, but hey, we were forced to unload the dishwasher yesterday. _Gasp!_ So anyway, we were in the cave, when Gazzy randomly decided to make our mark on the world.

Nudge: I'm boooorrrrred! There's like, nothing to do here. It's just a stupid rock! With stupid birds! I mean, for vacation, we should have gone to someplace _fun_, you know like _DISNEYLAND. __**HINT HINT.**_

Gazzy: How 'bout we spray paint the side of the mountain? It'll be purty.

Everyone else (except for Fang): Yeah!

Fang: Meh, whatever.

Max: Fang, you're such a stick in the mud.

Angel (mutters to Max, in her mind): _We could make the __**stick**__ pretty._

**Angel outlines her plan. Max grins an evil grin. **

Max: Tonight, while he sleeps.

Fang: While who sleeps?

Max: Hm? Nothing, nothing…. Nothing at all.

So, Nudge, Iggy, Gazzy and I went to the local hardware store to buy the spray paint. I outlined Angel's plan.

Max: We're going to spray paint Fang's wings tonight.

Nudge (temporarily speechless): No. Way.

Max: Way.

Iggy (pumps fist): Yes!

Gazzy: All these years of pent up rage and frustration at his muteness will come out in artwork. This is my kind of thing!

Iggy: Wow, what's with the extensive vocabulary?

Gazzy: Nudge gave me a dictionary for my birthday. (go figure), It has to be the most interesting book I have ever read.

**Silence**

Max: Oookaaay, back to spray paint!

Later, as they walk out of the store.

Nudge: Okay, Hot Pink, Lime Green, Electric Blue, Striking Silver, and Neon Yellow. _**Perfect.**_

Max: Don't use it all up when we spray paint the side of the cave! Save enough to cover his feathers.

Back at the cave!

Fang (grumbles): Neon colors? What, do you want to call the aliens in from outer freaking space!

Nudge: What's wrong with you, Mr. Frowning Face?

Fang: What's wrong with me? WHAT'S WRONG WITH **ME**???!!! Ask ANGEL. She has had me hiking over the mountains, flying over clouds, and saving her from "drowning in the pond" all freaking day!! **hyperventilates** I am SOOO exhausted. Go do your own freaking spray paint. I'm going to bed.

**Fang stalks off. There is silence**

Nudge (awed): OoO That has to be the most I've ever heard Fang speak at one time.

Angel: And the loudest.

Max: Angel, you are a genius.

Angel (blushes): Thank you for embracing the fact. Yes, I too have read the dictionary.

Max: Okay, let's go outside and commence phase one, which will give him time to get into a very deep sleep.

Iggy (growls intensely): Let's do this.

**Phase one is complete (more on that later). Time to commence phase two: Operation Mr. Colorful.**

Max (standing at the edge of the cave, whispering): Is he asleep Iggy?

Iggy (snorts): Duh, can't you hear him snoring?

Nudge (giggles giddily): OOOOHHH! We are really going to do this! I can't believe we're actually going to do this! SQUEEEE!

Gazzy: Not so loud, do you want Fang to kill us?

Nudge: Okay, I'll be quiet. (giggles).

Max (rolls eyes): Angel the genius, you take the left wing, I will take the right. Gazzy, Iggy and Nudge will make sure he is asleep.

Nudge (whines): Why don't we get to do some wings? It's not fair! (pouts along with Gazzy).

Max: All right, yeesh! You can do the other side of his wings. SOMEBODY has to make sure he's not going to wake up, so he doesn't kill us before we're done.

Gazzy: On it. I have a heavy blunt object that could be of some use.

Max: Ummm, good, I guess. Don't use it unless you have to. Let's go!

**Everyone sneaks into the back of the cave and hovers over Fang.**

Max (pokes Fang): Fang, are you awake?

Fang (snorts, then mumbles in sleep): Stupid platypus, quit stealing my mangoes. Mangoes… (rolls over)

**SMACK. Fang groans…..)**

Max: GAZZY!! That was not necessary.

Gazzy (swings mailbox): It was fun though! And he had moved! It was completely necessary to keep him "asleep."

Max (sighs): What's done is done. And where did you get the mailbox?

Gazzy (looks down): I have an anonymous supplier.

Max: On a lighter note, let's have some fun!

**The next morning**

Fang (waking up, still half asleep): STUPID PLATYPUS!! Get off my mangoes! Don't make me come down there with the stick! (Fully wakes up, feels bump on head and groans as the headache hits him) Ugggh, stupid rocks hitting me in the head! And what is that smell? Fumes! How many cans did they use? I'm surprised we weren't all asphyxiated! Hey guys, you didn't succeed in killing me!

**Silence. Just the echoes of his voice on the empty cave answer him.**

Fang: Guys? Guys, I know I was angry yesterday, but come on, can you blame me! It was Angel! GUYS?!

**More silence. Fang tries to spread his wings, to stretch them out.**

Fang: Ugh, my wings are so stiff. I have to stop sleeping on them! And sticky! What was on that floor?! I need a good fly.

**Fang walks to cave entrance, and begins to fly out, but notices a glint on pond water that was not there yesterday. He cautiously goes around to the side of the cave to check it out.**

**What Fang does not know was that phase one included spray-painting the silver onto the side of the cave to form a mirror. He sees his body art for the first time.

Fang: 0oO……gasps squeakily….. WHAT THE #$%^& HAPPENED TO MY WINGS!?! My beautiful, soft, black, perfectly conditioned wings…gone…. #%%^#…(sobs on the ground) …

**Every one of Fang's feathers was a different color, looking as if the Tilt-a-Whirl had exploded.**

Fang (wipes his eyes on his shirt): …Revenge….I will kill them all!! MWUHAHAHA!

**Fang looks up at the "mirror." On the top in Electric Blue, the words, "FANG, WE LOVE YOU!" were printed. Towards the bottom, in Lime Green and Hot Pink, were the words, "It'll wash out eventually. ^_^

Fang: I hate you people.

**The rest of the flock watched on in satisfied silence. They had stolen the "sacred laptop" from Fang, and had used the web cam to tape EVERYTHING. Including the tears. It was on its way to You Tube. They would pay eventually, but it was worth it. They turned feather and flew for their lives. **

Gazzy: FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY!!!

Fang (war cry): REVENGE!!!!!

**Hope you enjoyed! No, neither of us own MaxRide, You Tube, various spray paint companies, or ….. Fang, (dang it). There **_**might**_** be a sequel, if FullMoonBallad and I correspond over the summer, but maybe expect one more in August. Thanks for reading, and please review!**


	2. Fang's Revenge

**A/N: FullMoonBallad and I were still bored, and decided to write the "sequel" before she left yesterday. In the first part, Gazzy mentions that he has an anonymous supplier. Who is he, and how can this person help Fang with revenge? Enjoy! I would appreciate reviews!**

**It was a humid night. The broken asphalt of the alley street was illuminated by a single streetlight. The milky yellow glow bathed a boy in the light. Looking from side to side with suspicious eyes, the boy scoped the empty street for pursuers. When he was sure he was not being followed, he slipped into the shadows of an empty doorway. Checking again for followers, he ducked into the room behind the door, and found himself in the presence of another.

The "other" spoke. He had a low, raspy voice.**

"You're late."

The boy replied, " I had trouble getting away from the others."

"Don't let it happen again. I have other clients, and you are expendable," said the voice.

"Oh, shut up Ari, you don't have other clients! They'd be too scared of you! And besides, if you drop me, I _could_ tell a certain chatterbox that I've seen a certain dead Eraser."

Ari: You're so MEAN, Gazzy! I can dream about people liking me, can't I? And what dead Eraser? I haven't seen anyone!

Gazzy: No, because even in dreams people are terrified of you. And who do you think is the dead Eraser? Look at yourself! Yeesh! Let's just cut to the chase here, Ari. Do you have what I came here for?

Ari (sighs exasperatedly): Yes. Firecrackers, explosive components, and I can throw in some countdown clocks for an extra 75 cents.

Gazzy: Great! And, do you have anything that smells nasty, and I mean absolutely _repulsive_? It's for a stink bomb.

Ari: Would my socks count?

Gazzy: How long have you had them on?

Ari: Since I became an Eraser. _I_ can't even stand to take my feet out of my shoes.

Gazzy: _Perfect._

**Yes, Ari was alive. He hadn't really died in the first place. He _did_ get shot, but it was all planned. Gazzy aided in that. Ari decided to "disappear" because he was sick of Nudge's incessant babbling. It was tricky to stay "dead", especially when the flock, Jeb, Ella, and Dr. Martinez had buried him….alive. Gazzy had dug him up minutes after burial. He promised not to tell Ari's secret on one condition. Ari was to help him find materials for the various bombs he and Iggy would create. Ari, reluctantly, agreed.**

**Fang had still not been able to seek revenge. The color had not yet come out of his wings. Max, with her power of fast flight, allowed the rest of the flock to draft behind her as she flew. They made it back to Dr. Martinez's house hours before Fang did. Telling Dr. Martinez a one-sided story, the flock gained protection from Fang's rage. Fang was furious, but fumed on the inside, plotting a more elaborate revenge than murder. He blackmailed Gazzy and Iggy, and forced them to create a massive stink bomb. Why a stink bomb? It was not lethal, not supposed to be anyway, and Dr. Martinez wouldn't be _too_ mad at him, right? The girls would be having a sleepover in Max's room. _Twilight _ had just come out in DVD, and Fang had encouraged the sleepover. Ella was out for the night with a few friends, and Total, Akila, and Dr. Martinez were at a dog show for the week. The plan was perfect. It was with this plan that Gazzy had gone to Ari for supplies, and was now flying back home.**

**Gazzy flew back to the house, goods in his hands, and devious ideas in his mind. Fang was waiting in the garage for him. Iggy and Gazzy had left out their roles in his wing's demise, including Gazzy's mailbox (which was supplied by Ari). Little did they know that Fang had seen the video the others had taken of him, and knew exactly what Gazzy had done.**

Fang: You have everything?

Gazzy: Affirmative, Captain Colorful.

Fang (glares at Gazzy): You just remember your own position. I may take revenge on you anyway, little boy. And for your information, some black is starting to show on the tips.

Gazzy (doubtfully): Riiiight.

Fang: Shut up! Just make the bomb.

Gazzy: Okay, Commander Kaleidoscope!

**He flew off before Fang could attack.**

**Gazzy and Iggy had their own "lab" in the roots and trunk of a tree. Here, they created their illegal explosives. Gazzy arrived at the tree, and called out the password.

"Sir Psychedelic is infuriated."

**The trunk of the tree split apart to reveal the entrance to the hideout. It was concrete underneath, with three different rooms. One was for storage, one was the workstation, with a long metal workbench along one wall, and the last was just a cool hideout. The bomb would be heat-activated. The plan was to imbed the bomb in the girls' popcorn, and the heat from the freshly popped popcorn would cause the bomb to go off within five minutes.**

Iggy: So, how was our "dead" friend, Ari?

Gazzy: His usual pitiful self. He actually told me he would drop me as a client if I was late again, can you believe it? I told him Nudge would be happy to see him. He shut up after that.

Iggy: Hmmph, oh well. Let's get to work.

**With Iggy's skills and Gazzy's eyes, the stink bomb was ready in no time.**

**BACK AT THE SLUMBER PARTY**

**Max and Angel had tied and gagged Nudge to prevent her from talking during the movie. They were now engaged in a heated discussion of the characters of _Twilight_.**

Max: Jacob is hot, as in HAWT.

Angel: Noooooo! Edward is HAAWWT..ER.

Nudge: MMMFFFF!

Angel: Nudge thinks Edward is hawt too.

Nudge: NOOMF! JAMSMF!

Max: Jamsmf? Oh! James! Woah, James? You like James?! Where have _you_ been?

**Fang comes up the stairs, carrying the loaded popcorn. He has just put the bomb inside, and it would go off in five minutes. Fang was careful not to think about the bomb, in case Angel was suspicious. He was not too worried about Iggy and Gazzy, because they were always thinking about explosives. What he was thinking about was a "surprise" in Max's closet.**

Fang: _Twilight_? Wow, what a chick flick. Isn't Robert Pattinson a skuzzball?

Max and Angel: Shut up!!! DON'T DIS TWILIGHT!!!

Max: But hey, thanks for the popcorn, Sergeant Spraypaint.

Fang: You be quiet.

Angel: Why are you still mad? Your You Tube video had 99 million hits! It did better than Charlie the Unicorn!

Fang: And that's an accomplishment? Wow. I'm getting out of here before the movie starts. I don't want to be in the middle of a pack of lovesick girls.

**Fang leaves, but duct tapes the door shut. He makes sure all the windows in the house are closed, then takes off two minutes before the bomb detonates.**

Angel: Hey Max, Fang was thinking about a surprise in the closet! Maybe he has forgiven us for having fun!

Max: I doubt it, but let's look in the closet anyway.

Nudge: HMPH!

Max: Okay, we'll let you out of your restraints for a little bit.

**They all head over to the closet, and open the door. Gazzy and Iggy are in there, taped to the wall with Fang's duct tape. Max rushes over and rips the tape off of Gazzy's mouth.**

Max: Gazzy, what's wrong?

Gazzy: STINKBOMB!!

Nudge: What?

**There is an explosion from the popcorn bowl as the firecrackers explode. A cloud of dirty green and purple smoke wafts up from the popcorn, followed by a pop as the socks are flung up into the air, and land in the room. The socks are moldy green and black and long. It takes less than a minute for the smell to permeate the room.**

Max: What the heck?! FANG!!! I'LL KILL YO…

Nudge: Fang? Why would he do that to us? And on our sleepover night? He just hates _Twilight_ that's all. Hey, you don't think this is his revenge for spraypa….

Angel: RUN! (flies over to door and tries to open it) NOOOOOOOOO! It's stuck. (tries to throw herself against the door to open it. FANG (hits door) WILL (hits door) PAY (hits door, then slumps over)

Gazzy: Iggy, it's the bomb! We're doom….

Iggy: WHAT"S HAPPENING?! I CAN'T #$%* SE…

**And with that, the flock passed out from the toxic fumes of the socks.**

**The next morning, Fang entered the house with his gas mask on. The house was full of the sock's smelly haze, and had killed all the houseplants. Fang opened up the windows. Dr. Martinez would not be happy, but airing out the house before she got home would be a plus. He walked upstairs to Max's room. With fresh air in the room, Max was beginning to stir. She opened her eyes and looked at Fang. Fang took off his gas mask and smiled at her. "Revenge is a pain in the ass, isn't it?" he said. Max groaned and slumped back over. Fang then flew out the window to get away from the fumes and the war that would come next.

**No, we do not own Twilight, Maximum Ride, You Tube, Charlie the Unicorn, or anything else mentioned in the story. But, Robert Pattinson is a skuzzball. Was it better or worse than the first? Did you like it or not? REVIEW PEOPLE!**


	3. The War

**We're baa-aack! FullMoonBallad has survived being away for the summer! Sooo, the story is back too! Yay! In this edition: potato launchers, with a twist. What are potato launchers you may ask. Potato launchers are pretty much mini bazookas that launch....potatoes. Yes, 'tis awesome! May contain some Niggy and Fax/Mang. Does contain some swearing. Nothing you haven't heard before.**FullMoonBallad says welcome back to the story peoples! ****

**  
****Solemn faces stared at each other from opposite ends of the long steel table. A tense silence filled the room. The only movement was of a dark skinned hand reaching toward a beaker filled with a watery substance. Another hand swats the first hand away.**

Gazzy: You might not want to be doing that Nudge.

Nudge: Why not? I'm thirsty! It looks like water, so it must be water, but without ice cubes. I would have preferred ice cubes, but I suppose you don't have any in this "secret lab" cheapskates. Who in the world makes bombs by themselves for their own amusement anyway? And without telling ME about it! How-

**Gazzy throws the glass of "water" at the wall, where the beaker shatters, the liquid explodes, and proceeds to burn out on the floor.**  
Nudge: Oh.

Gazzy: Yeah.

**Max and Angel roll their eyes.**

**Iggy walks in the lab. Four pairs of eyes follow his movements as he grabs a chair and sits down.**

Iggy: I officially call this Council of War to order! The enemy, known as the one called "Fang, has infiltrated and attacked on the neutral lands known as ... "The House". Such actions should not go unnoticed or unpunished. What are we going to do about it.

Max: Gouge his eyes?

Iggy: Hey!

Max: What?

Iggy: You know I can't see.

Max: Sooo, what does that have to do with Fang?

Iggy: Do you know how much it sucks to be blind?

Max: Yeah, but this is FANG we are talking about! HE DESERVES IT!!

Iggy: Well, yeah, but that's besides the point! Something realistic, something that we won't be charged with and punished accordingly by the officers known as "The Parent...s." Depends on whether Jeb is around or not.

Angel: How about potato launchers?

Max, **wide eyed**: That was random.

Gazzy: No it's not, it's brilliant! Magnificent, ingenious, glorious!

**Everyone stares at him**

Gazzy **looks down**: Dictionary, remember the dictionary.

Iggy: That would work. That would work _very_ nicely.

Nudge: Especially if we implant cherry bombs in the potatoes!

Iggy **looks at Nudge (sort of) adoringly**: Where have you been all my life?

Nudge: Right in front of you. Later Iggy, we'll talk later.

Iggy **looking dejected**: Okay.

Gazzy: Anywho... that is possible. There are quite a few dilemas to this contrive, some of which include determining the location of the adversary, obtaining the portions for the firearm, and pulling it all off.

**Blank faces stare at him, unable to comprehend**

Nudge: English please. God! I want my dictionary back!

Gazzy: Okay! There are a few problems in the plan, which include finding out where Fang is hiding, getting the pieces for the potato launcher and making the whole thing work!!

Iggy: Wellll, we've got various bazooka parts in the back room...we could start there. We also need someone to find out where Fang is. Max?

Max **after thinking for a moment**: Where did you get bazooka pieces?

Iggy: That's classified information.

Max: All right, I'll do it. My Fang senses will tell me exactly where he is.

Flock:.....

**Fang, the colorful winged outlaw himself was at the cave where the evil deed took place, currently attempting to get the spraypaint off of his wings with a mixture of gasoline and diesel fuel. (**A/N: It actually does work, at least with dried on paint and paintbrushes.)**

Fang: Come on, wash out already!

**He scrubbs one lone feather for about an hour, and the paint slowly comes off on a patch about the size of a dollar.**

Fang: Yes! Victory at last!

Max: One more month and you'll be half done!

Fang: Max! Traitor! I thought you loooooooved me! But NOOOOO! You had to go and take away my emo-ness! My black wings are my signature, my sign that shows everyone that they're messing with an emo! AND I AM PROUD OF IT DAMMIT, I AM AN EMO! EMO I SAY, **EMO!**

**Silence**

Max: Oh, poor wittle Fangy...

**She comes up to Fang, strokes one of his colorful wings, and they immediately start making out. Fang curled his arm around Max's shoulders, hugging her closer. Max reached up to tangle her fingers in Fang's hair. Twin groans echoed from their throats. After a while they pull away.**

Max: Wow. Fang, I'm really sorry, and dizzy, but really sorry about what happened with the spraypaint thing.

Fang **still in a daze**: You are forgiven. What are you doing here anyway?

Max: I'm supposed to spy on you and tell your wherabouts to the Fang Annihilators.

Fang: The what?

Max: Every one else wants revenge for your stinkbomb. Soooo, the plan is to make potato launchers with cherry bombs inside the potatoes!

Fang: Oh wow. That's nice. Hey, want to be on my side? More making out...

Max: Well, it does have some benefits... so yeah! I'll pretend to be a spy for their side, but I'll really be on your side!

Fang: Yay for the Awesome Emos!

Max: I'm not emo!

Fang: Oh well! **begins to make out**

**That night, Max and Fang raid Gazzy and Iggy's lab for the potato launcher/potato bombs. They were pleased that everything went off without a hitch.**

**THE NEXT MORNING**

Fang: Let's attack them first, just as they are coming out of the lab.

Max: Sounds like a plan!

**BACK AT THE LAB**

Gazzy: Everyone ready?!

Remaining flock: Oh yeah!

Gazzy: Let's do this!

**THE BATTLEFIELD**

(a small clearing in the woods)

Max: Uh, Fang? What do they have?

Fang: It looks like....RUN!

**The ground exploded where they had previously been standing. Something had shattered on the earth, but small parts were still littered everywhere, fuses running down. More explosions followed, tearing up the ground with shrapnel from grenades. Max and Fang took to the air, but still got hit with flying chunks of earth.**

Fang: Quick! To the potato launchers!

**Back at the Fang Annihilators. High fives are going all around, cheering all the way.**

Iggy: Ha! I told you watermelons would work!

Nudge **hugs Iggy**: You're a genius Iggy!

Iggy: Yes, I know. **hugs Nudge, a dopey smile on his face**

Angel: Look out!

**Back at the Awesome Emos base camp. Fang and Max had mounted the potato launchers in the trees. They loaded their explosive ammunition down the barrel, and fired at the celebrating enemy. The result was spectacular. Potatoes pelted the ground, some hitting the trees and bouncing off to behind the enemy. The loaded potatoes exploded, also have been implanted with miniature bombs. With the potatoes surrounding them, the Fang Annihilators had nowhere to go. The potatoes exploded around them, potato pieces pelting the flock.**

**As with all wars, shots that are fired are returned. Shots that are fired always have fatalities. Nudge was the first to fall, having taken a potato to the chest. She would be all right, but was removed from the battlefield. Fang fell, literally, as he was hit with a watermelon in the face while flying in the air. Max sobbed as she dragged his semi-concious form away from the carnage.**

Max: This. Means. HELL.

**The stunned bodies of various woodland creatures tottered off of the battlefield in a daze. Both sides were running out of supplies, but were determined to keep going. Suddenly a small form raced out into the middle of the clearing.**

Ella: STOP FIGHTING DAMMIT! **looks at the Fang Annihilators, who were loading the watermelon cannons to shoot at her** NO, stop right now. You people need to quit fighting! What is being accomplished? I'll tell you! NOTHING! My God! The house still smells like shit, Fang's wings are still a gaudy, ridiculous color, and you completely destroyed the woods! A stray potato hit the house and went right through the wall! CUT IT OUT!! Each side has taken equal hits, how about a truce?

Iggy: Truce? What is the meaning of this word you speak of?

Gazzy: Ahem, "a temporary cessation or suspension of hostilities by agreement of the opposing sides; an armistice."

Iggy: Meh? English would work best in this situation, Gazzy.

Gazzy (sighs exhasperatedly): It means we won't fight anymore! God, read once in a...oh, sorry.

**Max and Fang stagger to the center of the clearing. Iggy, Nudge, Angel, and Gazzy also come to the middle, where Ella is holding a sheet of paper.**

Ella: I want this all in writing that you will stop. This is written so that there are no loopholes, ways out, or anything that will allow you to start the war again!

**All sides reluctantly sign, then retreat to The House to nurse various injuries.**

Ella: Thank God its over!

**It's over...._or is it?_ We're not sure about another chapter, but if you have ideas, PM FullMoonBallad, as SongoftheWolf cannot do PM's for various reasons. Also, give us ideas in the reviews. Good ideas will come into print people, and we will give you credit for them. Thanks!**


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